Needs
by Alix Vitesse
Summary: Squall decides between peace and difficulty. Could one man be his answer? And will Squall's happiness interfere with what Seifer wants? (Squall/Seifer, yaoi, completed
1. Needs

***  
Disclaimer - All characters belong to Square Soft (unfortunately). I don't own them, I didn't use them /that/ inappropriately. Don't sue me. I don't have any money.  
-----  
WYF: Small violence, vulgarity, mild lime, and confusion of standings for Seifer and Squall.   
Pairings: Seifer + Squall  
Genre: Mild yaoi, shounen-ai, romance, songfic  
Author's Comments:   
If you don't like yaoi (boy + boy) of Squall and Seifer, I suggest you get out because this is 100% SQUALL WANTS SEIFER. Okay? And for those of you who read this, I've only written a part of it. I want you tell me if it's worth continuing, okay? ^_^ Okay then. And the song is from Monica's MTV meant-for-television movie 'Love Song'. It's called 'What My Heart Says'.   
/ /: Italics, emphasized words  
*: Song lyrics indication  
`: Thoughts, remembrances  
***  
  
A small growl came from Seifer's curled lips as he jumped back. The last clang of Squall's gunblade against his rang across his ears as he staggered up nimbly, clutching his gunblade tightly at the hilt. The weight he held was barely anything to his strength, but the battle he fought panged at the pit of his stomach. The rain bashed against his now wild-swept blond tresses; which were now soaked and whipping mercilessly against his forehead.   
  
"Leonheart, you'll regret this," he muttered harshly between each fierce, feral breath. He didn't want to fight Squall. But he got himself here- Seifer Almasy and his infamous goddamned pride. "I wasn't planning on killing /you/ for a long time." In truth, he wouldn't kill Squall- even if he had the slightest, easiest chance.   
  
Squall kept quiet and tried to force the insane beats of the rain and their gunblades out of his head. With any other opponent, Squall knew he would never have to focus this much. /He/ was the only formidable, worthy opponent for Squall. Anyone else would have been too easy. Too easy- Squall hated anything 'too easy'. The arrogance inside of him reminded him of the man here claiming to want to take his life.  
  
"Right here, right now, Leonheart. Are you tired yet? The beginning's past. This is the end- you're gonna die tonight."   
  
The painful pangs in his stomach rose and gurgled within him. His words... so cold, so cold even he couldn't believe he said it. But he had always been cold. /Why/ did they turn back on him so much right now? He was supposed to hate Squall. He was supposed to hate anyone he knew could be better than him- anyone who /is/ better than him. But Squall- yes, Squall was better and Seifer /did/ hate him... his words proved it. Everything he says, everything he has said to Squall he meant. He was /supposed/ to him... he was supposed to... he does... didn't he?  
  
Squall's eyes burned the drops of cold water that pierced into his dark pupils. His nostrils kept their cool while he grit his teeth and shallowly snarled. His light hazel hair flew back as a gust of wind cleared his face enough for Seifer to witness.  
  
"This battle... is OVER!" Squall shouted. Before Seifer could react, Squall in rage raced to him and raised his gunblade. Seifer, in mid-shock, could do nothing but stand. Just as Squall brought down the gunblade to Seifer's neck, Seifer's reactions snapped and he brought up his gunblade and blocked it with one hand. Seifer quickly propped another hand on the slippery hilt and ground his teeth. Squall's eyes blazed with a strange fire as he stared at Seifer below him. Electricity from their bodies began to rise to their gunblades. The thunder rolled above, and faster than a second lighting appeared and hit the entwined blades.   
  
A blast of pure energy aroused from the gunblades and blasted both Seifer and Squall backward to their directions. Their hands let go of their gunblades as electricity ran through their bodies, paralyzing them both temporarily. The two gunblades, after being let go of, had slashed both fighters' foreheads- a mark of their foolish battle. A bloody scar that ran roughly slanted across their foreheads, forever marking the draw of two men, and a whole new relation to the other's soul.  
  
***  
  
'Beep... beep... beep...' Blurry beats played inside of Squall's head. He tried to open his eyes, but he couldn't. He tried to raise his head, but he couldn't do that either. He couldn't move. But he was already standing... 'Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.' A long, high-pitched beep ran across his head. His eyes opened. Where was he? Everything was shaded- he couldn't perceive as well as he could. He tried to move; he couldn't.   
  
Squall was confused. He looked around for anybody. He found himself standing in the middle of a field. He saw a white feather... then he saw a familiar face, alongside one he'd never seen before. A girl... a pretty, cheery looking girl with a beautiful wispy smile. It made Squall think of peace... of tranquility, of want. Of the ease it would bring to his life if he reached for her. Lofty white feathers circled her body- lithe dove feathers. The sign of peace for the humans... yes, that beautiful sign of peace.   
  
Squall then looked at the other side, the familiar side. The side with that familiar face of... Seifer. The coldhearted, uncaring Seifer who was /so/ full of himself, so prideful. But this man- this man wasn't Seifer. Squall knew, even though he looked like Seifer... the hair, the face... Squall looked closer. He could walk now?  
  
Seifer was sitting down on the cold floor. Everything around him was black, with a single ray of light dawning upon his sullen body. Seifer seemed still as he stared blankly at the darkness around him. His eyes were tired but broad, not the icy blue eyes full of pride and enticement Squall had gotten used to eyeing. His eyes were so empty and dry. Squall's eyes widened in confusion as Seifer's eyes moved to his side. A wistful smile flitted across Seifer's face as he looked down to a knife with a silver cross necklace laying on top of it. Squall moved to bend down beside Seifer, but Seifer couldn't sense his presence somehow: What?   
  
Seifer's hand traveled past Squall's knees and upon the silver cross. A fancy rose's stem curved down the long of the cross where his name was engraved. Squall looked up to Seifer's face- the face that rarely smiled a true, sincere smile. Seifer's face frowned and threw the cross where Squall kneeled, where it slid to his foot. Squall picked it up and looked at it in his hand, and saw Seifer's touch the knife. Squall screamed but no voice came from his throat, and so he tried to push it away before Seifer picked it up. But then Seifer disappeared. By then Squall was having difficulty believing what Seifer was about to do, and difficulty in believing how he disappeared.   
  
Squall looked up to find that girl hugging him in her warm embrace. He felt so safe, but the safety felt so easy to grasp for him. She was there, and he wanted her peacefulness, and he got it. He got it because he wanted it and the knowledge of her being there and close made it so easy. Too easy- and Squall hated anything 'too easy'... and what was Seifer? Seifer was /his/ difficulty. Seifer was the one that kept Squall wanting more, more since Seifer could take away what he had. Did that make Seifer something more to him?  
  
A final flash of light blinded Squall, only letters in a drawer of some room spilled onto the floor kept in Squall's mind- until he woke up.   
  
***  
  
*So let them say it's wrong  
*For me to love you  
  
***  
  
"Now, to get in shape for your practice assessment tomorrow, Mr. Leonheart, please amuse us with at least /one/ answer," Quistis sarcastically spat out for the third time now. "We'd love to hear from you soon..."  
  
Squall, unfortunately wasn't paying attention and was too deep in his thoughts. His nonchalant and faraway expression was beginning to annoy her. Seifer grinned wickedly and put his feet up on Squall's desk, slamming it hard onto the metal surface. Seifer's black, baggy silk clad legs outstretched on Squall's desk stopped Quistis. She sighed heavily and hung her arms strictly onto her hips, shaking her head and muttering while Squall (who had now been woken up from his thoughts by Seifer's intrusion). Seifer snickered and kicked Squall's elbow, which made Squall's still dazed head fall onto his desk.   
  
"Alright, you two, you're staying here after class, no questions about it!" Quistis hurriedly said and got back up to leaving the class to silence. Squall groaned, the wound on his head blazing with pain. Seifer smirked and pulled his feet back on the ground and continued to work on his laptop. Squall slightly lifted his head up and turned it to face Seifer, who was busily reading away.   
  
"Bastard." Squall murmured painfully. Seifer's ear twitch, and his smirk widened into a sly grin. Seifer loved making Squall look bad, and Squall knew that. Sometimes he even enjoyed it- but he didn't know why.  
  
Time to time, Seifer would stop working for a quick second to flash a quick glance at Squall. Somehow, Seifer wasn't afraid to admit it to himself anymore. He /did/ have a fondness for Squall- he just didn't know what kind. He would constantly pick on Squall like a quirky 12 year old who had a silly crush. But that was wrong- Seifer was a man. He knew well of his preference, that didn't bother him. But were preferences made to be correct? But he didn't love the man, no, he didn't /love//Squall/. That wouldn't be allowed... and Squall wouldn't love him back anyway.   
  
Squall noticed Seifer stop to think, then that small frown appeared on his face and was quickly hid away again. And when he stopped to notice, he found himself absently staring. Seifer never thought of it- he was too busy thinking of his own thoughts. Squall wondered what his dream was about- the girl looked incredibly like Rinoa... and now he realized she was. That woman in his dreams was Rinoa. The ease of peace within him was Rinoa. But what was peace to Squall? He had so many questions to ask, but he couldn't ask and find out himself... it would be too hard.   
  
Then it struck him. Too hard. Yes, that was it. The questions were too hard... and the answer was that difficulty. And he'd find his difficulty in Seifer. It had always been there. He would go to him... one day, he knew that Seifer would be his answer.  
  
***  
  
  
A slow rapping on Squall's dormitory door was followed by a woman's voice. Squall got up from his bed and hastily opened it to reveal Rinoa... with her bags.  
  
"Squall... I'm sorry, but I don't love you anymore. I've grown apart- I'm sorry. I've got to go now..." Her voice was trembling, but Squall could tell she was faking it.  
  
"So who's the unlucky bastard now, Rinoa?" He said harshly, gritting his teeth and glaring at her. Rinoa gave him an innocent, bewildered look.  
  
"What- what are you talking about? I just... I-I just don't love you anymore!"   
  
Squall didn't believe her. She was walking out of his life- and she's leaving nothing but lies. He felt an anger... not pain, an anger... a deep, deep, anger.  
  
"Rinoa, just get the hell away from him and go fuck the bastard who chose you for his whore. No one here needs a bitch like you. Go!" A voice said from across the hall. An angered Seifer came rushing down the hall to aid a hurt Squall.  
  
"Seifer, what the-"  
  
"Just go, you whore, he doesn't need you. Just go to your damned bastard. /Leave/!" Seifer said, with more anger and passion than he'd ever put into Squall's and his duels.  
  
Rinoa's eyes widened as she picked up her bags and flew down the stairs, and out of Balamb Garden forever. Seifer's glare lasted as he began to push Squall into his dormitory. Squall just sat on his bed, angered and relieved that the bitch was out of his life forever.  
  
"She's hurt a lot of people, Squall. Forget about her," Seifer said. Was he being reassuring? Squall looked up, confused at how Seifer was acting. "Don't think I'll ever act like this again. Let it last. She's hurt me as bad as you. I just didn't want it to happen again, no matter who it was."  
  
Squall forced a chuckle and lay back on his bed.  
  
"I thought you just hated her because she liked me." He said unconcerned. Seifer eyed him, then raised a mocking eyebrow.  
  
"That's not a reason to hate anyone." Seifer replied. He was serious at the moment... he seemed different to Squall. He found he should advantage of the moment as of now.  
  
"So how'd it happen?" Seifer gave him that mocking look again. He smirked and sat down on a stray stool.  
  
"I was looking for comfort. She gave it to me. I thought she really appreciated who I was- the self I showed only to her. But that whore only toyed with me and threw me away when she found y-o-u."  
  
Squall looked a little hurt from the comment, but he replied.  
  
"I never really liked her."  
  
"You sure didn't show it, kid."  
  
"You're one year older- don't call me 'kid'."  
  
"Deal with it, Squall. You remember who you're talking to?"  
  
Squall chuckled a little, but Seifer remained serious. Squall had never laughed- much less smiled. But at his state of confusion, and at Seifer's cold endearment, he didn't mind one bit. He was distant right now, and Squall was determined to at least start something now. He wanted to know... if Seifer was really the answer to his questions. But Squall was quiet- he wasn't the babbling type. But he was so confused- he just couldn't help it.  
  
"Listen, kid, I'm going. I just wanted to make sure the bitch was out for good." Seifer didn't bother to look at Squall as he stood up and walked to the door. Squall needed to ask one more thing before he left.  
  
"Seifer... how'd you get over her?" Seifer turned to him and shrugged.  
  
"Listen to what your heart says. Whatever it said, felt, or knew about that lyin' scum of a street whore... forget it all."  
  
Answer number one. Just a few more answers and Squall wouldn't deny that Seifer was his answer- he just couldn't show it. It wasn't right... was it?  
  
  
***  
  
*They could ever feel the way that I do  
*When we kiss, when we're close like this  
  
***  
  
  
Seifer stopped at the door abruptly, but didn't turn around. Squall didn't notice, but did look up after hearing Seifer's voice.  
  
"I'm heading to my dormitory to work out. I have a small little collection of weights there. Looks like you need a workout, how about it? I doubt you've got that bitch out of your mind yet; it'll do you good. I don't want a weak archrival, for another reason there. You'll be needing it for sure, anyway, when our /next/ battle comes," He spun around with a small smirk, leaning into the doorway frame with his elbow and resting his head against his side-turned palm. Squall leered amusingly at Seifer who was being... /nice/??? Squall figured- maybe it was because Seifer felt so much pity for Squall ever being with someone so fake like her. So Seifer didn't have pride just for himself- it was for those he knew as well, even if he did hate Squall. Squall turned away and sighed, nodding, as Seifer did the same. "My dormitory in 15 minutes, if you want."  
  
Squall stood up after Seifer had closed his door. Yes, a good workout is what he needed right now; a workout to clear his mind from Rinoa. Seifer had been right again.  
  
He walked to his closet and pulled out an old, tight cotton wife-beater he used to use for his workouts (which weren't so frequent in a place with no gyms) and pulled on a pair of loose black pants. He figured since he was offered, he couldn't refuse. Grabbing a towel from a rack beside his desk, he then made his way out his door, closing it then making his way over to Seifer's dormitory.  
  
Squall knocked twice and was invited by an already glistening Seifer in his own wife-beater (this one was black) who was wiping his towel all over his face. He just opened the door and let Squall in, and got back to his bench presses. Squall noticed that even though Seifer must have worked out a lot, that his build was a lot like his- athletically muscular, though a bit larger. Squall sat one of the three mini-bench presses in Seifer's room, and found he couldn't take his eyes off of Seifer. He was in mid-trance when Seifer sat up and noticed that Squall had been staring the whole time. He wished it was what he thought- but he couldn't think those kinds of thoughts. Not about the person he was supposed to hate the most... not about him. He began to wipe the hot sweat from his body, but Squall didn't stir his gaze away.  
  
"You didn't come here just for a show, did you Leonheart? Listen, the only reason you're here is because I don't want my only /decent/ rival to become a weak ass when faced against me. Make your time of it, Squall; either I kick you out, or you stay and work out, got it?"  
  
Seifer's words cut himself. What was wrong with him? Did he just now feel bad because he had insulted the man he hated, as if he really hated him? And was he just being /nice/ to him? But that whore Rinoa- she had done it again. She hurt someone- the person that he hated- the only person he had ever felt something so passionate for. Was it really hate to Seifer now? Unknown to either of them- they were both as confused as the other.  
  
Squall lay down on the bench press and began to lift the already set 410 lbs. on the weight. Amazingly to Squall, he was able to lift it with ease. The two worked out for about two hours that night, and then Squall got ready to leave. Seifer went straight to bed and didn't even bother to say goodbye to Squall, who in turn just walked out without another word.  
  
That night, Squall couldn't sleep. Scenes of forbidden love kept playing inside his head, scenes of the most forbidden love to a man- with another man. And due to irony, no other man appeared in his dreams except his answer- Seifer. But in Squall's surprise, he didn't push any of it away. He let them continue... he knew he needed Seifer. He needed his answer. Seifer was his answer, and he knew it. But how could he ever show it? How would he know that Seifer felt the same? He would do what it took... Squall knew that he couldn't live without his answers in Seifer.  
  
Seifer couldn't sleep at all, as well. All night, he kept questioning himself and what was really going on. Was it just his pity for Squall being played by Rinoa? Or was it outstretched comfort to Squall, for the only reason he hated Squall was that he had lost him to Rinoa. But no- he knew now, from all his questions. He /did/ love this man, more than anyone, and felt the deepest passions he could have never thought himself to express. But he couldn't express it- not in the world they lived in.  
  
Squall couldn't take it anymore.   
  
`Follow your heart, kid, `   
  
Yes, Squall would follow his heart tonight.  
  
Squall raced down the halls to Seifer's room. He rapped madly- over and over and waited in his own burning passions to do what he had to- what he /needed/ to.   
  
Seifer slowly opened the door- unknowing to his coming surprise.   
  
As soon as Seifer had opened his door, he couldn't wait one more second. Squall looked down, then grabbed Seifer's shoulders, drawing him into a hot embrace and locking his lips with his own in an intoxicate, exhilarating kiss. Squall pushed Seifer back into his room and kicked the door to close it. He pushed Seifer back to the wall and trapped him between his heating body and the cold wall. He could feel Seifer's hand trying to push him away, which stopped. Squall felt Seifer's arms stop pushing and encircling his waist instead. The kiss lasted, lasting even longer when their tongues met and entwined hotly. Squall dropped his jacket and put his arms around Seifer's head, running his hands through Seifer's corn-silk smooth tendrils.   
  
Seifer was in mid-shock from Squall's entrance, but he didn't let that stop him. He /wanted/ this, he's wanted it for so long and he wouldn't give up that chance now. Seifer let his hands travel along Squall's back to caress it, the tricky limbs finding their way inside Squall's shirt. Seifer softly moaned in their kiss as he felt Squall's hand run through his hair. He didn't know what came over him... but he had known that he loved Squall more than anything. But was Squall just looking for comfort? Was /he/ just looking for comfort? He didn't know, but right now he would let this last though he knew he would be heartbroken when the truth came. The night took them into a desire for their incomplete needs.  
  
***  
  
*They can't see inside my soul  
*They don't know the love we know  
*All they do is waste their time  
*They can never change my mind  
  
***  
  
  
Squall tightened his grip around Seifer, locking their legs inside the soft silk covers. Seifer was asleep, breathing slowly. Squall knew that it was wrong to love another man in this way- or was it? Squall didn't think so. Seifer was the answer he'd been looking for. The wrong that was right in his life. He would never let Seifer go now... not ever.   
  
He brushed his lips across Seifer's still, soft lips. He drifted into his own slumber, his tightened grip loosening as he began to fall asleep.   
  
Seifer opened his eyes right when Squall fell asleep. What had he just done? It was all for comfort to him... right? He wasn't allowed to love men... but he loved Squall. But he couldn't love Squall, no. This was all comfort, he reminded himself. Just comfort...   
  
***  
  
  
The two dressed up and got ready to train for battle. Seifer hadn't said a word to Squall all day, even if they were in the same room. When Seifer walked to the bathroom, Squall tried to put his arms around his neck and pull him in for another kiss- but Seifer wouldn't let it happen. Had there been something wrong about last night to Seifer? He wasn't complaining last night... hadn't Squall given him what they both wanted? Or was it just Squall who wanted Seifer... who loved Seifer... who didn't love him back... Squall backed away from Seifer, a confused and hurt look in his eyes. He turned around and sat on Seifer's bed, burying his head in his hands.   
  
"Seifer... what the /hell/ is wrong?" He asked. His voice began to crack as his mind reeled in even more confusion. Seifer glowered down and put his hand on his doorknob.   
  
"Squall... last night was just comfort. For both of us, all right? Just some wild fantasy forcing its way out, nothing more. We can't let anyone know, Leonheart- I have a reputation to uphold around here."  
  
Squall's eyes broadened in disbelief.   
  
"What are you saying now? That your reputation matters more than what we just shared? What the hell are you trying to say, Seifer? I- I can't understand what more can you want? /Didn't/ you want that, Seifer? If you didn't, then you sure weren't complaining..." Squall raved. He was confused and angry and hurt all at once. Didn't Seifer know by now that he was the /only/ thing Squall loved, looked to for hope, for answers? Why couldn't Seifer see?  
  
"Shut /up/ Squall. Last night- we were just both wanting something else. And we got it through each other. That doesn't mean anything. I am still the enemy you know I am."  
  
"Seifer..."  
  
"Listen Squall! I don't want things to change. I want everything to stay the way it's always been."  
  
"So I'm /nothing/ to you?"  
  
Seifer growled and spun around, facing Squall with... tears?  
  
"Squall, we live in a world where no one will accept who /we/ are if we ever become what you want. /I/ will never be the same person. /You/ will never be the same person. I don't want you to change, Squall. I don't /ever/ want things to change... I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want anyone to leave. It's the only way I know how to keep the things- and the ones- that I care about- that I cherish- that I /love/."  
  
Squall stood up and put a hand onto Seifer's quivering shoulder. Seifer only looked down, but Squall lifted a hand to Seifer's chin and brought it up.   
  
"Things will stay the way they are, Seifer. And I'll always be here." Squall's light hazel eyes glittered with a spark only given to Seifer. Seifer's own icy blue orbs looked up to meet his, while their lips interlocked for a passionate kiss. Seifer ran his hands through Squall's wild locks.  
  
"How about that battle now, eh kid?"  
  
Squall smirked.  
  
"Let's get it on, bastard."  
  
***  
  
It's what my heart says  
And that is all I listen to  
It's what my heart feels  
It tells me -it tells me what to do  
It's what my heart knows  
And that's the only -only truth I know is real  
All I hear is what my heart says to me  
  
***  
  
  
I plan to continue this, but if you think the story sucks and it's way OOC (out of character) I'd appreciate a few comments. I think it sucks ;_; do /you/??? Comment me people!   



	2. Frustrated

= = =

Author's Notes: I think I must have gone through some sort of identity lapse. I have no idea what has been going, or what's been messing with poor, young Ali's head, but I have a feeling it got awfully bored with me and attacked someone else. Anyway, I got bored one day and passed by my "Needs" trilogy and decided to re-read it. WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH ME?! I start off with a story-tell, and then it becomes a ramble of my feelings-slash-their-feelings. My "poetic" phase (which, by far is my scariest phase ever) is gone now, and I've decided to rewrite the sequels for Needs. Jesus, I swear people must have gone "Whoa..." after reading those. Here it is everyone. Has basically the same plotline as "Deaf" except it's more detailed, and actually tells why it's happening. Not most people got it was a dream. And just like moi to make this one a one-word title...

* Song indications

Disclaimers: Final Fantasy VIII belongs to whosoever created it. "Frustrated" belongs to The Moffats (yeah, yeah...).  
  
Other Stuff:  
Pretty short; the whole thing is a dream sequence.  
AU... but considering it's a dream, maybe not.  
Please don't kill the author for making it seem like Seifer died.  


= = =  
  
  
**Frustrated **   
  
= = =

_*Rage I hold within my soul  
*At times I cannot control  
*What's the point of being here?  
*When being me is what I fear_  


= = =

Seifer's eyes followed Squall's limping body. He tried to force a smile, but he could only manage one whenever he felt he needed to; whenever he was around Squall. His bruised eyes were a bit glazed over from the haziness that had taken over him after their battle. He slumped against the wall for balance, softly as to not distract Squall. Fortunately, he didn't, and he was able to think about the situation. 

The secret had been kept between them for a while, and the whole thing bothered him. Squall -he once promised to Seifer that nothing would change, right? That they would appear rivals to the human eye, and still be rivals when in the eyes of their hidden world. He promised, that no matter what, he wouldn't change because of their confessions. But just knowing that Squall had lied was killing Seifer inside. 

He had been receiving these looks from everyone around him, because Squall had suddenly gone from "I hate you Seifer!" to "Hey, Seifer, buddy!". He tried as hard as he could to push Squall away, but all Squall did was grin stupidly and drag him around. 

Seifer knew that if this continued, his feelings would give in and he would finally announce that he was with Squall. And after a few months, he knew that Squall would get tired of being with him, or vice versa. And then the love which Seifer had cherished for so long would just vanish for the stupidest reason ever. Boredom. 

He looked up to Squall, who was heading back to help him up. He could see the warmth, the care, the love in Squall's blue eyes. Eyes that seem to just be begging for Seifer to hate them. Squall had extended an arm to the fallen Seifer, offering a lift to his dorm. Seifer glanced at him indifferently, and shook his head lightly. 

"No thanks, Leonhart. Just leave me alone." He said, his tone forcing itself to be cold, just for Squall to notice the hate again. The forget everything. To be normal. 

But Squall only smiled and nodded. That churned Seifer's stomach, making him sick. 

"Are you sure? I'll be in my dorm if you need me..." He began to limp back. Seifer wanted to puke everything inside him out. 

Squall had mentioned his dream to Seifer. About how he thought that Seifer was his answer to everything. And Seifer was. But Seifer didn't want to be. He just wanted to love Squall from afar, to be able to keep a secret to himself and dream about being truly complete in his mind. To be a mortal angel, and watch over a child until he found true happiness. 

_I loved you Squall. I loved you because you were a challenge. You weren't scared of me. I was the only person in the world that you felt something so passionate for, that you would go at all odds to be better. And I loved you, hating me. But now you're suddenly so happy toward me. Happy never made me happy, Squall. I thought you would have known that, loving me and all that bull that I almost believed. But no more. I'm not going to fall for your lies anymore._

Seifer stood up with his remaining strenght and trudged his way back to his dorm. He gasped for a breath, and then headed for a dresser drawer near his bed. He pushed everything aside and shuffled through the contents of the drawers. He began going ballistic and throwing everything around, until he found what he wanted. A slim, black-handled switchblade. 

= = =

__

*I've prayed that I was free  
*Of this grief that's killing me

= = =

He sat, sprawled onto the bathroom floor, shakily grasping the revealed switchblade in his palm. A tear stained his pale cheek and he threw the knife aside and grabbed a white piece of paper and a pen. He began to write his last memoirs. 

_Silver. Such a pretty color, this silver. It reminds me so much of human flesh. _

Oh, for a few minutes could I still feel lust and passion creating a whole new energy in our love. Those moments, when our bodies would mingle to form one. When you'd scream my name, and I in turn yours. When you'd reach the ultimate pleasure and I'm driven to mine. When you whisper those sickening three words into my ear, your voice spilling with mendacity and deceit. 

Yes, indeed, silver is quite a pretty color. It reminds me much of the knife in my hand. That beautiful, smooth steel Bringer of Joy. I did admit that I hated happy, didn't I Squall? But you know, I was never much for pain either. 

Don't get me wrong, my love. I will always love you. But I am a coward, and I have proven that more than once in our history. And a coward is a coward; no matter what feat he performs to cover his true self with the veil of heroism. 

Squall, I want you to listen. Listen to the silent screams of everyone around you. Listen to the sound of the rain. Listen to what those around are saying to you. Listen to your heart. And whether you want them to or not, every word will hurt. Every single word will hurt like hell. 

But not for me. The world can't touch me when I can't feel. The world had always been cruel to me. Well, this is what the world gets. 

Seifer tossed the paper aside, as his now-free tears began to drop upon it. 

And as the paper slid, a last breath was inhaled. A clank of metal clangs against the ground, and crimson claims the ivory of the paper. 

= = =

_*Everywhere I turn  
*Every bridge must **burn**_

= = =

Squall's eyes widened in the silence of the night. His heart was beating so hard, it felt as if it were going to burst out of his chest. Yet, the velocity of the heat inside his body could not compare to the coldness of Squall's body. He lay still, breathing even breaths, as flashbacks of the dreaful dream played in his mind like a polychrome movie of what might be. 

He couldn't bear to look beside him. But he also couldn't bear the painful curiosity. 

Squall turned to look, and met Seifer's face. His almost-angelic glow and wisps of silver-blonde hair assured Squall that all of it -every single word in Seifer's voice, was just a dream. 

But were all of Seifer's painful words... true? 


	3. Ironic

=

Author's Notes: I've decided against rewriting it for too long. There might be a sequel trilogy, if I feel like it, but for now be satisfied with this.

Oh, and much thanks to Necromage and K-chan for their constant badgering.

=

Ironic

=

Squall writhed in unbearable pleasure underneath Seifer, who himself was having trouble keeping the boy pinned beneath him. They were panting heavily in unison, the occasional begging moan seeping into both their ears and pulling at their energy even more to continue their passionate intercourse.

Their hands roamed aimlessly, thrashing about like insane limbs, unable to tell whether they were still sane themselves. This continued on, until Squall gasped, eyes frozen and voice void of defining the ultimate wonder being released now, tension and the world around him completely flushing out along with the silky white liquid being gathered and spilled from his lover's thin, pink lips.

He wished he could have given Seifer more, after hearing his partner's breath hitch in his own throat, and he empty himself inside Squall, marking him; claiming him with the sticky substance.

His eyes drew to a close, forgetting everything around him and focusing only on one thing: that he held Seifer near him.

The past dreams began to pulse across Squall's mind like blood, except they were pictures with the one voice he did not want the pictures to relate to...

'Listen to your heart.'

And flashes of a knife's silver glint appeared, stabbing and piercing through a silver locket, which slowly opened to reveal Seifer's picture stained with blood, and his on the other side scribbled with the word 'change'.

The scene disappeared, replaced with Squall kneeling pathetically down beside a bloodless Seifer, pounding and scratching and cursing at the body without regress. Even Squall himself couldn't mistake the words he was saying to the body.

'You and I were one. But you were deaf. How can I hear, Seifer? _How can I listen when you can't hear and you are me?_'

The scene disappeared again, and Seifer standing in a moonlit balcony washed over in his head. He stayed quiet, looking up at the moon with silent aquatic eyes glistening wistfully.

'It's too late for questions, Squall, find me, find me...'

A dull music began to play, brought in by the wind that had begun to blow all around Seifer, seeming to want to lift him up into the sky, the angel he was. He walked, gainsboro trenchcoat billowing softly behind him as he walked toward a sleeping Squall, being soothed to a deeper sleep by the mysterious, faint night concerto.

'Listen.'

As Seifer turned around, Squall slept on, the quiet music fading away as his lover slowly began to fade away.

'Listen for my heart, because it's beckoning for you.'

Then... there was white.

'Wake up, Squall.'

The sequence ceased and Squall bolted up, eyes still closed. But he knew it. Seifer was gone. Seifer had left.

But there was a feeling inside that made him certain that Seifer didn't leave him. But that didn't assure him enough.

He dashed out of the room, searching desperately everywhere he could, throwing everything aside with inhuman speed. His body was already begging for Seifer. How was he to stand not being in his arms longer than now?

Mind you, it wasn't just because he wanted to make love with Seifer. He needed Seifer in ways even he couldn't understand. And what was Seifer doing? Leaving him? One simply reply Squall had to him: _What the fuck?_

And he stood there, angry and confused, trying to find some sense in all that's happened and in those goddamned dreams.

The dreams! Of course! But if the dreams were the answer... then what had Seifer done? Killed himself?

Oh, _fuck_ no.

He ran to the bathroom, scared even to take the last steps into there, for he thought he was going to step in blood. Seifer's blood. But there was nothing but the bland, white tiling on the floor and a piece of paper with black scribbles.

Black scribbles. Black writing. A message?

"My beloved Squall," it began, Squall making a disgusted noise as the tears began to trickle from his eyes. He had a sickening feeling in his stomach where it was going to lead, this damned letter.

"I thought we could use a little game."

Game...?

"You forget, my love, that even though you are my partner... you are also my opponent. And I think this is exactly the practice we will need. If you find me Squall, then I know you love me. That you truly love me."

"Damn you, Seifer," he muttered hoarsely. "Why the hell do I still need to prove my love to you?"

"You've proved that you loved me Squall, I know that. But we need a little fun in our lives, don't you think? And we'll see just how long you last without me..."

Squall stared at the piece of paper. Was this his idea of a joke? Oh, but Squall wasn't going to let him get away. And after all, he still had those pleading needs.

"Now where did I put my gunblade..."

And he had a lifetime for revenge.

=

_Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you  
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right  
And life has a funny way of helping you out when  
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up  
In your face  
_

=


End file.
